Movies & TV
“I did three games in one day once, which was definitely sickness.”
Q&A, circa November 1996.
“That’s my acting goal: crushing the dreams of white girls.”
Feature article, circa May 2010, prior to his hosting the MTV Movie Awards.
“Really, who wants seventy virgins? I want eight pros.”
Q&A, circa December 2005, on the release of Syriana.
“Is there a way to die of ombudslung?”
Feature article, circa November 2005, on the debut of The Colbert Report.
“I feel like some little kid worked really, really hard, and I inherited all of his memories and all of his money.”
Feature article, circa June 2004, on the release of Saved!
Robert Downey, Jr.
“At any point did he try to make a model airplane?”
Q&A, circa November 2005, on the release of Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang and Good Night, and Good Luck.
“People say, ‘Why do you want to put a clothespin on your nuts?’”
Feature article, circa August 2007, on the release of No Reservations.
“Yeah, I’m eating cream cheese out of a bowl.”
Q&A, circa December 2006, during the first season of 30 Rock.
“Did you know they have these weird air sacs all over their body?”
Feature article, circa January 2005, in the wake of Sideways.
“I feel like I could play a homeless black octogenarian if I wanted to.”
Q&A, circa October 2009, on the release of Zombieland.
“I was worried I would turn into somebody I hated.”
Feature article, circa July 2004, on the release of Before Sunset.
Philip Seymour Hoffman
“I have a lot of fear of acting.”
Feature article, circa October 2005, on the release of Capote.
“Right now, my imagination is blobby and globular.”
Q&A, circa December 2005, on the release of King Kong.
Samuel L. Jackson
“I say ‘cool’ all the time, and I use ‘motherfucker’ at least eight times a paragraph.”
Q&A, circa April 2006, on the release of Freedomland.
“Instead, I ended up in Las Vegas with Cher.”
Q&A, circa October 2003, on the release of Wonderland.
“They must be chafing when they slide on that pole.”
Q&A, circa October 2005, on the release of Domino.
“I can barely spell the word ‘headache.’”
Q&A, circa September 2006, at the beginning of the fourth season of House.
“Dial it down, maybe people need a little not-Melissa time.”
Feature article, circa September 2011, in the wake of Bridesmaids.
“I’m just looking for that moment to drop my Jedi knickers and pull out my real light saber.”
Feature article, circa November 1997, on the release of A Life Less Ordinary.
“I’d never wear an ‘I Am Merry’ t-shirt to get laid.”
Feature article, circa February 2005, in the middle of the first season of Lost.
The Office: Mindy Kaling, Paul Lieberstein, and B.J. Novak
“When we’re on set, it sort of feels like we don’t belong.”
Feature article, circa October 2007, at the beginning of their show’s fourth season.
“If I rolled like Eddie Murphy ’85, with a leather suit and some bodyguards, I probably would get punched in the face.”
Q&A, circa October 2003, for his third time hosting the MTV VMAs.
“I have what they scientifically refer to as ‘bitch hands.'”
Q&A, circa May 2005, on the release of Madagascar and The Longest Yard.
“Even though I wanted to be a punk rocker, I couldn’t because I was too respectful.”
Q&A, circa March 2006, on the debut of Big Love.
“I think it’s good when people like Jews sexually.”
Feature article, circa September 2003, during the tour of the stand-up show Jesus Is Magic.
Upright Citizens Brigade
“I hope you’re not getting the impression we’re obsessed with getting high.”
Feature article, circa September 1998, upon the debut of their eponymous TV show.
“That shit is a lot more watered-down than my life, anyway.”
Q&A, circa August 2005, on the release of Four Brothers.
“I love suspenders. I’d wear them if anyone would let me.”
Q&A, circa September 2005, on the release of Serenity.
“Sometimes I feel like a fembot.”
Feature article, circa October 2007, at the beginning of the fifth season of House.